Why Emotional Intelligence Matters More as Leaders Rise
Photo by Alvaro Ortiz on Unsplash
Emotional Intelligence has grown in popularity and been seen as a helpful construct since Daniel Goleman first published his book of the same name in 1995. Over the years, EQ has become widely used in leadership development, benefiting leaders at every level.
There are four competencies that make up the practice of Emotional Intelligence:
Self-Awareness: The ability to be aware of and understand one's feelings/emotions and their impact
Self-Management: The ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively
Social-Awareness: The ability to accurately pick up on the emotions of others and understand what is really going on with them
Relationship Management: The ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully
Emotional Intelligence begins with self-awareness. Goleman defines self-awareness as "having a deep understanding of one's emotions, as well as one's strengths and limitations, and one's values and motives. People with strong self-awareness are realistic — neither overly self-critical nor naively hopeful. Rather, they are honest with themselves about themselves. And they are honest about themselves with others, even to the point of being able to laugh at their own faults."
Leaders who are growing in self-awareness and becoming more emotionally intelligent are able to demonstrate greater psychological safety, be more adaptive and resilient, be more collaborative and less political, be more aligned with mission and values, and be more capable of honest conversations. They are experienced by others as being more reflective, more curious, more empowering, more relationally present, and able to demonstrate greater long-term commitments.
But emotional intelligence must continue to be maintained and nurtured, especially as leaders rise. The higher you go in leadership, the greater the distance between you and those you lead. The gap poses unique problems.
At high levels of leadership, EQ challenges cluster around four losses:
Loss of feedback from others
Loss of safe emotional space for the leader themselves
Loss of curiosity towards those below them
Loss of a grounded identity from which to lead
Great leaders don’t overcome these by trying harder—but by designing structures that keep them human, approachable, and in touch.
The challenges senior-level leaders face related to EQ could be described by the following principles:
As leaders gain authority, honest feedback decreases. People filter. Deference increases. The leader’s internal narrative goes largely unchallenged.
High-level leaders often have fewer safe places to process their own fear, doubt, grief, or fatigue.
Past success reinforces the belief: “I’ve earned the right to trust my instincts.”
The leader’s role slowly replaces their identity.
Constant exposure to conflict, criticism, disappointment, and responsibility wears down a leader's emotional resilience.
I have argued before that I believe the two greatest assets a leader has are their presence and their voice. And I have stated often that the currency of leadership is communication. To express a healthy and effective presence and voice, aided by clear communication, growing emotional intelligence is necessary. This becomes even more necessary as leaders rise.
Allow me to simplify. As leaders seek to grow in the four competencies of emotional intelligence, we can boil down the applications to two primary things:
Reducing blind spots in the life of the leader
Helping the leader keep the relationship central to every encounter they have
If these two realities are present and growing among leaders at all levels, a healthy culture and effectiveness will follow.
EQ Growth Prompts for Leaders
What emotions am I carrying into this situation and how might they be shaping my perception or behavior?
What does my emotional tone communicate before I ever say a word?
What might be happening beneath the surface for this person or team that isn’t being said out loud?
How might my position or power be influencing what others are willing to share with me?
What does this relationship need from me right now—clarity, empathy, challenge, encouragement, or repair?
In this decision, am I prioritizing efficiency over connection—and what will that cost us over time?
Who has permission to tell me the truth about how I’m showing up—and how often do I actually invite it?
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